Doodle

 

Saying NO is now new normal.
断ることは、いまや新たな常識。

 

When I was employed, I almost always said YES to everything I was asked to do. I thought that was the best way to prove myself. Until I noticed that it just helped others put me at their disposal.

Now that I am self-employed, I have to say NO to many requests from others. Otherwise my businesses can easily fall apart and I am going to be mentally ill. I need to focus on what matters most.

I’ve learned it from my old friend. What she does is against social norms in Japan. She is still employed but refuses to work after 6 PM. In the workplace, she is laser-focused and gets everything done by that time. She also refuses to accept friend requests from her boss on social media. She doesn’t drink at all on weekdays to stay focused. She is very good at saying NO to what bothers her.

We have so many distractions in life and at work. Without saying NO, we are always exposed to countless demands and requests from others. If we keep saying YES in a reactive way, we just put ourselves under the control of someone else. We have to say NO to say YES to what is vital to our life and business.

If you are quite uncomfortable to say NO, do small experiments. Start saying NO to small things with a big smile on your face. Or write a refusal e-mail in a cheerful way. And see how others react. You will notice that it doesn’t destroy a relationship immediately. Unless the opponent thinks of you as dispensable. How come we should continue the relationship like that?

Remember we always have a choice to say NO.

 

 

Start from giving.
与えることから始めよう。

 

“Always be giving” — we have to be careful about this concept.

Especially when a businessperson says this. Is that businessperson also ALWAYS giving? Of course NOT. If he doesn’t take any money from his customers or clients, his business will go bust.

So saying “always be giving” can be a brainwashing — to make people around him impressed, to make them supportive and to have them do something for him. For free or at insanely lower price. Because it’s all about “always be giving”.

However — it is always good to START from giving. Help others voluntarily or give something they want. And let reciprocity work for you — this is the social psychology we need to utilize.

There are people who always take something from others. But more than those, there are many people who appreciate what you do for them and will do something for you in return.

If we start from giving, we will eventually take back enough. But don’t expect it to happen. Just focus on figuring out what people around you really want.

 

 

There’s no born expert.
生まれながらの達人はいない。

 

“I wish I could master English like you do.”

Some Japanese friends said to me. Nope. My English is far from perfect. That’s why I still learn the language every day.

My old friend is the owner and chef of a Chinese restaurant. He was very good at cooking even when he was in junior high. But he is still developing his culinary skills every day.

Becoming an expert is not a short-term project. It can be lifetime. People may recognize you as an expert in a short period of time, but that is just a milestone. You should not stop learning.

Learn one thing at a time. Challenge yourself. Improve 1% every day. Be humble and learn from everybody.

And more importantly, don’t compare yourself with others while learning. Your mastery merely belongs to you, not someone else.

 

 

When you get ignored, you get a new opportunity.
無視された時に、新たな機会を得る。

 

“The world is small”. This is one of the misperceptions that can lead us to unhappiness.

This world is insanely big. We are unable to face and say hello to all of the 7.4+ billion people on this planet. We are unable to visit all the places on the earth. We have no idea what happens in the deep ocean.

The world becomes small only when we see it that way. There are pros and cons about this perception — thanks to the Internet, it’s much easier for us to connect with people around the world. It’s also much easier for us, if we forget the connectivity, to feel isolated from or feel inferior to other people in the flood of information.

This world is big enough to explore your potential. If someone ignores you, meet other person. If someone doesn’t like your work, show it to other people while doing your best to improve it. Keep doing so until someone gets interested in you and loves your work.

It’s not the end of the world even if you are ignored by one (or even thousands) of 7.4+ billion people. You are just liberated from a small world. Just keep moving forward.

 

 

Clear toxic thoughts from your mind.
心を蝕む考えを取り除こう。

 

If any thoughts prevent you or your business from growing further, they are toxic thoughts.

Your toxic thoughts are more harmful than toxic people around you. These thoughts keep telling you negative stories day and night, even while you are sleeping. They can ruin your creativity easily.

To capture these thoughts, 5-minute journaling really works. Write down all your thoughts for 5 minutes, then see them objectively.

Toxic thoughts are related to negative emotions. Don’t let your emotion dictate your thinking.